my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
