So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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