i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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