kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
