No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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