therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
