And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
