Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
