There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
bring money and cleavage
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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