I would go down on you faster than GM stock
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
