You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
