final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
