Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
