Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
