Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
