i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
