I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
