On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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