then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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