Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
