Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
