is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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