And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
