You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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