Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
