my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
