I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
