***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
