Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
