I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
