She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
