i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
