I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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