He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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