I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
