Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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