You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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