Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
