if you like me you must not know who I am
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
