I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
