i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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