just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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