She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
