You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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