I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
