I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
