I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
