I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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