honey bunches of taint.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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