i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
