There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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