No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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