dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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