the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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