This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
