im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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