Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
