I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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