for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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