so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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