On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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