im six kinds of drunk right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
