from now on my penis is your penis
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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