keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
