that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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