Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
